Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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