Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
