If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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