she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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