Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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