Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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