my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
