There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
