My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do herpes really smell.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
