Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
