i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk is not a location!
All the doctor said was why
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
