So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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