I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
