Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize