Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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