Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
