i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
