living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
