Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
