I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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