he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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