i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize