brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
