I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
