so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
