is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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