Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
