I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
