I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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