me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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