What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
