When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
