I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's rum buckets o'clock
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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