there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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