so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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