the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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