i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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