Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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