I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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