so explain again why im purple
no
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
