Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
