Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
