oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
