i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
