his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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