hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
