Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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