Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
