btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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