He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I understand Curling. That high.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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