I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
