Someone shit on the floor
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize