dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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