i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
