you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
