Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
