just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
