i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
