i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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