She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
