Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
