PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
