make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
