I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
