he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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