i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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