This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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