im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
