its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
