i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
