i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
