As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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