Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
