True but thats because hes a fetus.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Semen is not good for contacts.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
