Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I cut my penus on the lid.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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